Friday, April 28, 2006

My humps, my humps, my lovely whisker lumps

Now that you and I know each other better, innernets, I feel like I am finally ready to blog about something that is a very important part of my daily routine. It is kind of embarassing, but I really feel like the persons and cats who read my blog need to know about it. So here it is:

I am a humper.

My Person finds my humping very confusing. The first time it happened she was laying on the couch watching the toob and I decided to curl up with her. So I did the happy paws dance. Now, the happy paws dance is what happens when cats like me are looking for a nice place to sit down. We have to punch and paw at the blankets or the person for awhile to make sure that nothing inside is going to bite us, and after we have made sure of that, we have to give the blanket or person a little massage in order to thank it in advance for laying on top of it, and after that we just have to punch it for awhile to get it all mashed down and comfy. I am very lucky that I have such big paws, because it makes my happy dance go by really quickly. So I was happy paws dancing on my person's stomach when something...HAPPENED. Now, I do not have my balls anymore (I went to the vet one time and went to sleep and when I woke up I was very sore in the back and then my balls were gone! And that was a sad day for everyone), so I do not really know why it happened, but I just felt like I could not STOP HAPPY PAWSING and then my back end kind of started doing its own happy paws dance and before you know it...there I am, humping the blanket!

Afterwards I was quite embarrassed and I would not look at my Person for a whole ten minutes. I just sat down and had a quick bath and avoided eye contact. But from then on, everytime I start to have a happy paws dance, I really just have to hump!

There are 2 kinds of humping in my life. The first is at night, when I am getting ready to go to bed. There is a special blanket that I like to hump. It is brown and kind of soft and is almost like a cat. Maybe that is why I like it so much! My Person used to get really weirded out when I first started humping it, but after she talked to the very nice man who introduced us, and he told her that it was normal, she seems okay with it. She even says "go Kismet go!" sometimes to encourage my humping, which I really appreciate, because sometimes it is really strenuous. Anyway the nighttime humping is what I do after I do my rounds, to kind of wind down from another tough day of being a big man cat.

The OTHER kind of humping does not happen very often. It is done late in the morning when my Person WILL NOT GIVE UP TO GIVE MY FOODS but I know she is awake. Sometimes she does this very awful thing where she will be up and playing on her computer in bed and STILL NOT GETTING UP TO FEED ME. Well, this is very obnoxious. So what I do is, I walk all in front of her, between her and the computer, and I stick my back end right up in her face, with my tail over one of her ears, and I just start happy pawing the keyboard and humping. My Person does not like this. She says "KISMET THAT IS SO GROSS" and pushes me away, but I just come right back and keep on doing it, and then eventually she starts to think it is funny and laughs at me and then as a reward for being such a handsome and clever cat, she finally feeds me.

I hope that you will not judge me, innernets, because the humpings are a part of my daily routine and I really do not think I will ever be able to stop them. We do not ever have to talk about this again. I just thought that you should know.


Anonymous said...

Ahhh, my big man cat does the same thing... to my stuffed bunny toy. It's all good and natural, but why my bunny toy?? At least you keep it to your blanket... mostly.

Come Back Brighter said...

It's nothing to be ashamed of, Kismet -- so long as you don't try and hump your person, or Mona, or even worse your uncle Greg.

And as for the pictures, I don't think you're a skank, but I do think you should ask for more artistic control...

Esmeralda said...

I hope you found that therapeutic!