Friday, April 28, 2006

My humps, my humps, my lovely whisker lumps

Now that you and I know each other better, innernets, I feel like I am finally ready to blog about something that is a very important part of my daily routine. It is kind of embarassing, but I really feel like the persons and cats who read my blog need to know about it. So here it is:

I am a humper.

My Person finds my humping very confusing. The first time it happened she was laying on the couch watching the toob and I decided to curl up with her. So I did the happy paws dance. Now, the happy paws dance is what happens when cats like me are looking for a nice place to sit down. We have to punch and paw at the blankets or the person for awhile to make sure that nothing inside is going to bite us, and after we have made sure of that, we have to give the blanket or person a little massage in order to thank it in advance for laying on top of it, and after that we just have to punch it for awhile to get it all mashed down and comfy. I am very lucky that I have such big paws, because it makes my happy dance go by really quickly. So I was happy paws dancing on my person's stomach when something...HAPPENED. Now, I do not have my balls anymore (I went to the vet one time and went to sleep and when I woke up I was very sore in the back and then my balls were gone! And that was a sad day for everyone), so I do not really know why it happened, but I just felt like I could not STOP HAPPY PAWSING and then my back end kind of started doing its own happy paws dance and before you know it...there I am, humping the blanket!

Afterwards I was quite embarrassed and I would not look at my Person for a whole ten minutes. I just sat down and had a quick bath and avoided eye contact. But from then on, everytime I start to have a happy paws dance, I really just have to hump!

There are 2 kinds of humping in my life. The first is at night, when I am getting ready to go to bed. There is a special blanket that I like to hump. It is brown and kind of soft and is almost like a cat. Maybe that is why I like it so much! My Person used to get really weirded out when I first started humping it, but after she talked to the very nice man who introduced us, and he told her that it was normal, she seems okay with it. She even says "go Kismet go!" sometimes to encourage my humping, which I really appreciate, because sometimes it is really strenuous. Anyway the nighttime humping is what I do after I do my rounds, to kind of wind down from another tough day of being a big man cat.

The OTHER kind of humping does not happen very often. It is done late in the morning when my Person WILL NOT GIVE UP TO GIVE MY FOODS but I know she is awake. Sometimes she does this very awful thing where she will be up and playing on her computer in bed and STILL NOT GETTING UP TO FEED ME. Well, this is very obnoxious. So what I do is, I walk all in front of her, between her and the computer, and I stick my back end right up in her face, with my tail over one of her ears, and I just start happy pawing the keyboard and humping. My Person does not like this. She says "KISMET THAT IS SO GROSS" and pushes me away, but I just come right back and keep on doing it, and then eventually she starts to think it is funny and laughs at me and then as a reward for being such a handsome and clever cat, she finally feeds me.

I hope that you will not judge me, innernets, because the humpings are a part of my daily routine and I really do not think I will ever be able to stop them. We do not ever have to talk about this again. I just thought that you should know.

Thursday, April 27, 2006


My Person got her computer back yesterday and she brought it home and she sat on my favorite chair and played with it for awhile, and I sat behind her head and put my paw on her shoulder now and then because she seemed kind of stressed out. And I did not realize why until I came to do my blog this morning and saw that all of the pictures of me are GONE! And all of Person's pictures are gone TOO! So I am really having a hard time blogging because I am kind of mad at the computer. Why did it eat all of my pictures????? I would have given it some of my foods if it was hungry! (Well, maybe not.)

Luckily just last week my Person had sent a bunch of my pictures to the very nice man who introduced us, because I am going to be on a calendar for the place where I lived before my Person met me (I am a pin-up! I always suspected I was handsome!), and so she emailed him and asked if he could send the pictures back to her, so now I have SOME of them. I have chosen this one for today because it is very sunny in my apartment today and one of my most favorite things to do is lay in the sun. I am always very smily when I do this, as you can see from the picture. And it seems to be sunny and warm more and more lately and I am hoping it will stay that way for awhile because boy, do I love laying in the sun!

Uncle Greg came over last night too, while my Person was still pounding away on the computer. Before we all went to bed I asked him very nicely if he could please feed me a little bit of wet food and he said NO, but I think he felt bad afterwards because then he gave me some Friskies chicken treats.

Now, the burst of energy from those treats made me very awake, so instead of doing my usual bedtime rounds just once, I did them THREE TIMES. What I do is, every night I make sure that the apartment is secure and everything is safe before my Person goes to sleep. I like to make sure that Mona is not coughing up hairballs all over the floor, and I make sure my water dish is full, and I sweep up the area around my food mat with my paws, and I clean the sides of my litter box, and I paw at the front door to make sure it is closed. My rounds are really super important and I do not take them lightly but I have to be honest and tell you that I am not sure that my Person really appreciates it, because sometimes when I am checking the perimeter I open those boxes on the walls in the kitchen, just to make sure that there is no foods there that might go bad before the morning, or that there are no other CATS hiding in there, but because I have paws it takes me a few tries to open them, and the doors kind of open and bang shut again, and my Person yells "KisMET JUST COME TO BED!" at me. And I am all mraw MRAW PERSON I AM DOING THIS FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY THERE COULD BE CATS IN THIS BOX YOU DON'T KNOW IT COULD REALLY HAPPEN SOMETIME.

Anyway, when I finally got to bed Uncle Greg made me a blanket fort and they both told me what a good boy I am. I hope they take more pictures of me soon, because I feel like kind of a faker posting old ones all the time. I am kind of thinking about peeing on the computer to show it how mad I am, but I think that would just make my Person more stressed out, and I don't want that. So I will just probably sit on the back of the chair and glare at it for awhile.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006


My Person's computer is broken and gone! And so I cannot really blog so much anymore because it is very hard for me to use that other person's computer. My Person's computer is nice because the screen and everything is all attached, and I can just walk across it with my paws, and it more or less works out, but that other person's computer has a separate keypad thingy, and it's all tilty so I can't walk on it, and I tried once and I fell and right after I fell I took a quick bath so that anyone watching would think that I did it on purpose, but I don't really want to do that again, so I guess we will just have to wait for my Person's computer to be fixed!!

In the meantime I will try to blog in between. How I do it is, I write it all out for my Person with my paws and then she takes it with her when she leaves in the morning and then it magically appears later. I don't know if she is going into the innernets and dropping it off -- maybe that is where she goes all day?? -- but it works!

So today I will tell you about the newest way that I am being very helpful and a good cat. There are these stretches of days, maybe four or five, where my Person has to get up early and leave. (I think she can tell that I would rather have her stay with me because after those days she stays home for two whole days and plays with me!) My Person does not like to get up early, but I do not mind it very much, and I also do not mind it when she gets up early, because it means that I am going to get my FOODS! But before I get my foods, my Person goes into this big white box thing and runs water all over herself. I think that she does this because she knows that cats are very clean and she wants to be clean so that she can feed me, which is very nice of her. Now, I always go in there with her and I sit on top of her human litter box (which by the way is NOTHING like my litter box; it is white and also has water in it and YUCK, WHO WOULD WANT TO USE A LITTER BOX THAT IS FULL OF WATER?) and I sometimes poke my head into the big white box thing just to make sure that everything is okay, and I say mraw mraw! But this morning I was thinking about it and I thought to myself, Kismet, you should let your Person know that it is really good that she is getting up early to feed you and that you really appreciate it. So today instead of sitting on top of the human litter box, I sat on the side of the big white water box and when my Person's leg would come near me, I would reach my paws under the plastic sheet and grab it. Just to say, good job Person! And can you hurry up in there, because I think you are clean enough to feed me now!! And I think it might have worked, too, although I can't tell you for sure because I can't tell time and so I don't really know if she went any faster but it kind of seemed like it!!

Besides that, I have not peed on the couch for almost a week. I am basically the best cat ever lately!!!

Friday, April 21, 2006

I am a very good boy!

This morning my Person got up MUCH later than she normally does. As you can imagine, I was VERY hungries and kind of disgruntled because, I mean, I have not had any morsels of foods for over 8 hours, I am basically WASTING AWAY HERE IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES OR AT LEAST I WOULD BE IF YOUR EYES WERE OPEN AND NOT IGNORING ME.

Although, I have to be honest and tell you that I got fed THREE TIMES yesterday!! Because that person who lives with my Person came home before my Person and she actually FED me this time, and she is lucky that she did or I might have left her a present in her bed, if you get what I am meowing, but then my Person came home later and she fed me too!!! I was very mrawly, because I was happy to see her, but I think she thought that I was mrawly because I was hungry, because she kept saying "I know you already got fed, you are not fooling anybody you faker!" but she still fed me, so whatever, it worked out, and so maybe I should not have been SO hungries this morning, but the extra foods just made me want MORE foods, and besides 8 hours is a long time to go without foods nomatter how many foods you had the night before.

Anyway so she just kept NOT GETTING UP. So I did several things to try to remind her that I was hungries. First, I walked all over her front and said MRAW MRAW in my most polite voice. But she did not move. So then I got up onto the windowsill, which is right behind her bed, and I put my big paw on her face, and I said MRAW MRAW in a little less of a polite voice. But she did not move. So then I walked all over the bed and made sure to stop every few seconds and MRAW MRAW a little louder, but she STILL DID NOT MOVE.

So then I started to get kind of mad, and I went out into the other room, and I sat down on the couch, and I VERY SERIOUSLY considered peeing. Because I was HUNGRY! And BIG! And MAD! And the combination of those three things has the tendency to be kind of lethal and urine-filled. And so I squatted, and everything, but then I thought, Kismet, maybe you should just go back in there one more time.

So I went back into her room and I went and sat right next to her and she opened her eyes! And said "mraw mraw Kismet!" And then she helped me build a blanket fort.

Now, I like blanket forts. In the picture, you can see me in one of them. They are very warm and nice and snuggly. To build them, my Person just pulls the blanket up over myself, and I dig with my paws, and then I usually get very comfy and drowsy and I curl up and sometimes I even purr! So I kind of enjoyed the blanket fort, and I also enjoyed being right up close to my Person. But I was also still VERY hungries. So I sat in my fort for awhile, and I was just about to go think about peeing some more, when my Person got up! And she fed me! And all was right with the world! And I did not even vom!

And later my Person sat down on the couch, after patting it to check for pee, and when she did not find any pee, she told me what a good boy I am. And right before she left she rubbed behind my ears the way I REALLY like. I mean I REALLY like it. My eyes close all by themselves and sometimes my tongue falls out of my mouth because it feels so good! So now I am thinking that maybe I should not pee on the couch anymore, and then my Person will be so happy that she will ALWAYS feed me three times a day!

But this won't happen, because the next time I am very hungries and MAD, the bad Kismet will take over and drag me to the couch and make me pee.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

The foods, how you torment me

I am very excited to post in my blog today because today I found out that there are actually some persons and cats out there reading what I am writing!! Since that was my biggest blogging hope, I am a very happy man cat tonight. Today did not start off so happy, because I got so excited about my foods this morning that I vommed all over the kitchen floor! Sometimes my Person does not notice the vom right away, and I kind of forget that it is vom and I eat it again. This is gross. I know this is gross. But I can't help it because it LOOKS the same and it SMELLS the same and foods just DOES something to me and I get SO EXCITED ABOUT THE FOODS and before I know it I have gobbled it up! But today my Person noticed it right away and so she scooped it all up and so I was pretty hungries all day long.

Now, so that you do not think I am gross for eating the foods again that I have already eaten, I am going to post some pictures of myself so you can see that I am very handsome and do not look at all like someone who would eat the foods that he already ate.

The first picture, the one on top (I wanted to put it down here, but it seems to involve a lot of innernets skills that I don't have) is me doing one of my most favorite things: digging in my Uncle Greg's jacket! Whenever Uncle Greg comes over he puts his jacket on top of my favorite chair and I go right over to it and I stick my head in it and I dig around with my paws. I do this in hopes that he has brought me some pepperoni in his pockets, but I also do it because he is big and hairy and he smells delicious! So after I dig around in his jacket, I like to sleep underneath it and breathe it all in.

Now just thinking about that made me all warm and fuzzy (but I am already fuzzy. All the time!) Anyways, the second two pictures are me on top of the boxes that are nailed to the wall in the room where the food is. I like to go up there because it makes me taller than all of the persons!! Also, my big paws come in very handy when I am up there because I can OPEN THE BOXES from the top and see all the foods inside! But like I said before my Person doesn't eat any meat and so most of the food in there is gross and I don't want any of it, but I still think that being able to open the boxes is going to come in handy sometime so I am glad that I can do it. My Person likes these pictures because she says you can see my whisker humps very well, whatever that means. In the first one I am very awake and I look like I have just smelled something meaty and delicious that is probably not mine and I am probably not supposed to be eating or even smelling or thinking about eating. In the second one, I am mad because I am not smelling anything anymore and I miss the smelling. Sometimes, the smelling is almost as good as the eating. ALMOST.

Really, in some way, it is all about the FOODS!!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

The feeds!

Hi innernets! There is not too much to report today, except that when my Person came home she strapped this thing around my chest and my legs and then we went out!! Out into the Other Place where my Person goes every morning!! We have gone out there together a few times before, but I get kind of nervous Out There because it's very big and open. I spend most of time in HERE, where it is kind of small and all of the places have lids on them. Out There, there are no lids and everything is very tall and loud. But I am getting used to it, and today it was especially nice because the other times we have gone out it was very chilly even with my FUR on, but today it was very warm. So that was fun. Eventually, I got tired of sniffing around and so I just sat myself on the front steps. And my Person was okay with that for awhile but then she said "Well this isn't much fun for me!" and so she came over and picked me up and carried me inside. And I DID NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL so I growled at her. I growled all the way up the stairs and all the way inside. It was not so much that I did not want to come back inside, it was just that I like to do things on MY OWN TERMS and I get very grouchy when my Person decides for me instead of waiting for me to make up my mind. It is kind of frustrating sometimes because I am a VERY BIG DUDE, but nomatter how big I am or how loud I growl, my Person will always be bigger than me.

It is very tough to be a big man cat sometimes.

Anyway once we got back inside she took the strappy thing off and then she fed me, and in case you have not picked up on this, I can forgive pretty much anything if it is immediately followed by food and petting. Both of which my Person is very good at.

Anyway the reason I REALLY wanted to blog today was to tell you all that now I have something called an RSS feed. I don't know exactly what that means, but I do love anything having to do with food! My Person said that it basically means that more persons and cats can read my blog. And while that is nice what I am REALLY thinking and hoping is that since it is called a feed, if you go to it, maybe you will get fed! And maybe, since I am bringing you the feed, you will send me some of the food! So here is the thing you click on if you want some food:

Go check it out! I hope it is bacon!

Monday, April 17, 2006


Hello innernets. I am posting this picture of my Uncle Greg and me to remind me of happier times before I launch into today's story. This picture is from Saturday night. I am wearing my brand new springtime shirt. (In case you can't read it, it says "put me in coach!" and has a baseball. My Person and I are not baseball fans really, but I needed a new T-shirt for springtime and she tells me that baseball is a spring thing.) I like this picture because you can tell how much I love my Uncle Greg -- I am most definitely NOT a lap cat, but I like to climb all over Uncle Greg because he is big and hairy and really understands me.

Now on to the bad story of today!!

First of all I want to start by saying that I only get fed twice a day. Now, I don't know if you have noticed, but I am kind of a big dude, and so I would like to be fed more than twice a day. I would like to be fed all the time!! I would like to eat seventeen cans of Friskies for breakfast alone. But my Person doesn't have that kind of money. So twice a day it is.

Usually my Person comes home before that other person, and she picks me up and talks to me, which is okay I guess, but usually I am not into that because come ON PERSON I AM HUNGRY! I look forward to this time of day. I sit by the door and I listen for the front door to open and I mraw mraw mraw my little head off when I hear someone coming up the steps. But today. TODAY. Today it was not my Person, it was that other person. And do you know what she did? Well I don't know, but I will tell you what she did NOT do -- she did NOT feed me! She went right into her room, and she fed Mona, and she filled a big box with clothes, and she left!

Well, this made me mad. Because I was HUNGRY! And I am BIG! And then I was MAD! So do you know what I did? I went and peed on the couch! I usually only pee on the couch when I am HUNGRY and my Person will not get out of bed to feed me. This usually only happens in the mornings. This was my first nighttime pee on the couch. But I was HUNGRY!

So eventually my Person came home, and I rubbed all over her legs, and she fed me right away. And then she found the pee. And normally when she finds the pee she chases me around a little, but today she just put a pillow on top of the pee and sat on it. So I think she agrees with me that this was DEFINITELY WORTH PEEING BECAUSE I AM BIG AND HUNGRY.

Now I am going to go sit on top of the TV box and think happy thoughts about Uncle Greg and my Person, and be happy that my Person comes home every day to feed me.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter! I do not really know what Easter is, and it does not seem to be a big deal here in my apartment, because Person and Uncle Greg are just hanging out and drinking coffee. But there are some stuffed bunnies around, and so I asked Person if I should blog about Easter, and she said I should put an Easter picture up. So she took this one of me. I don't really get it but she promises me that it is Easter-y. So I hope that everyone on the innernets has a really good Easter. Since I think it is a holiday, I am hoping for chicken!

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Sup innernets!!!

Sup blogger. I am Kismet. I am a very big man cat living in Brooklyn, New York. My Person has a blog and is always playing on her computer, and so I thought that maybe this is something that I should get into too, especially since things are always happening to me that I think other cats (and I guess other persons, too) should know about. Plus, my Person just got a job and so she is not around all day anymore, and so I have a lot of free time on my paws.

So here is a little bit of info about me. I am three years old, but I have only been with my Person for about six months. A common misconception about me is that I am fat, which I most certainly am not!! I am just big. Especially my paws. My Person is always saying "Kismet you have such big paws and ears! Big feets!" She says my back feet are rabbit feet, but I don't know what that means.

There are some other humans in my life besides my Person. There is also my Uncle Greg, who is big -- even bigger than me!! He is also hairy like I am so we really have a lot in common and really understand each other. I like him a lot because he always gives me little samples of his food (my Person does this too but she does not eat meat so most of the food she gives me is gross and I don't eat it), and because he likes to cuddle with my Person too, but he does not mind if I lay in between them. Which is good. Because I mean, she is my Person.

My Person lives with another person, but she is not there very much and she does not let me go into her room and she picks me up a lot so I don't really like her. But she has a cat named Mona. I'm okay with Mona. She is kind of boring but she does wrestle with me. She also licks my food bowl clean after I am done with my food, and she doesn't mind when I eat her food, but for some reason my Person doesn't like it when I do that.

The other person in my life is my Person's friend Melissa. Melissa likes me a lot and also talks a lot about how big my paws are. I like Melissa because she talks to me and always compliments me on my shirts, which is important to me because sometimes I am not sure how good they look on me.

I hope to post in my blog a lot. I get into kind of a lot of trouble so I am sure I will have a lot to write about. Besides, I love to surf the net!