Remember me?

Hello innernets!

It's me, Kismet Man Cat. I would tell you more stuff about me in case you have forgotten me but let's be honest, who could forget me?! I mean have you seen my whisker humps??



Anyway, I have decided to come out of blogging retirement because I have been having many advenchurs and I think other cats and persons will really want to hear about them. It is going to take me a while to get everything changed here and to update my list of friends, on account of I am just a really busy dude, but if you have stuck around during my retirement please leave a comment to I can add you to my list and come visit you! I also want you to know that even during my hyaytiss, I still read all the blogs of my most best friends, like the Meezers and Skeezix, and Sophie reads Daisy the Curly Cat every single day because she REALLY loves her. So I have been AROUND, I just saved all my comments about my blogging friends for my Person. I saved them mostly for when she was sleeping, so I could wake her up and let her know what I was thinking and also that I was hungry so maybe she could give me some more foods? This never worked, but don't worry, innernets, I plan to keep trying anyway. See, there is just so much to blog about!

PSSST

Pssssst....innernets!!





REMEMBER ME????

I am going to do a Thursday 13 to explain why I have not been blogging FOREVER.

1. Mac, the mancat compyooter, went dead for awhile. He seems to be ok now. But he was dead!
2. My Person had to go see Mr. Nooz Byurow every day for a long time and she would turn Mac, the mancat compyooter, off when she left. But I think she had a fight with Mr. Nooz Byurow, because she is not going to see him anymore!
3. Mr. Nooz Byurow + Brad Skool = GRUMPY PERSON
4. I have spent LOTS of time trying to figure out ways to get out of the partment to Out There. So far this has not really worked. My ideas have inkloodid: digging through the cat TV, scratching at the door with my big man paws, running out the door whenever it is opened which gets me in Big Trouble, making very sad mraw mraw noises at the door. Since none of these have really WORKED, I am spending lots of time trying NEW things, which are also not working. Getting Out There is very hard.
5. We went to the VETS, and if you have been reading my blog for awhile, you know that this makes me VERY GROUCHY AND I MRAW MRAW AND HISS AND SOMETIMES BAT AT MY PERSON'S FACE AND EYEBALLS, WHICH IS NOT VERY NICE BUT WHAT DID YOU EXPECT TO HAPPEN, PERSON, AND EVEN THOUGH THIS VETS WAS DIFFERENT THAN THE ONE IN BROOKLYN THEY STILL BROUGHT OUT THE HAWK GLOVES FOR ME. THAT'S RIGHT, VETS!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!! Also Sophie gets very scared when we go to the VETS and it makes her go poop in the carrier THAT I HAVE TO SHARE WITH HER. AND IT SMELLS. AND STICKS TO ME. This made me grouchy enough that I did not want to talk to anyone. Not even you, innernets. I am sorry.
6. It is starting to get HOTS. This ALSO makes me grouchy.
7. In Brooklyn, one of my favorite places to sleep was on the people TV on top of the cable box. In Merruhlind, we don't HAVE a big cable box. This ALSO makes me grouchy.
8. We are on some sort of weird foods schedule. This ALSO makes me grouchy.
9. Sophie STILL wants to play ALL THE TIME. THIS ALSO MAKES ME GROUCHY. I AM TRYING TO CLEAN MY TOES SOMETIMES.
10. I think those are maybe all of the things that made me grouchy lately. I have also been busy threatening the many wild cats that come onto our cat TV. There is a orange cat that my Person calls Sammy. He is ALMOST BIGGER THAN ME, and he comes on the cat TV every night, and I sit and mraw mraw at him. There is another orange cat too. This cat never had a ballsectomy, so my Person just calls him ballscat. Ballscat is not bigger than me, but he does have balls. So I mraw mraw EXTRA at him.
11. None of the cats on the cat TV are lady cats. This ALSO makes me grouchy.
12. Sophie has been having hairballs all over the place. My Person gives her hairball stuff to make this better. The hairball stuff smells like toona, so I get excited when it comes out and I try to eat it, but it just sticks to my whiskers and then I have to clean it and that ALSO MAKES ME GROUCHY.
13. What can I say, innernets? I'm a busy dude.

But, now that Brad Skool is almost done (I guess that means he is going to go dead), I will have more time to blog. This makes me NOT grouchy! So if any of my friends from the innernets are still checking up on me, I should be around more often.

Here is a bonus picture of my furchin for my lady friends:



I'm sure Sophie will be around too. (SIGH)

Man Cat Monday

Sup innernets. I wanted to post a HAPPY NEW YEAR blog and a KRISMISS blog but my Person LEFT US ALONE FOREVER AND EVER. It was not SO bad because some lady came and gave us the foods and cleaned our poops (cleaned them much better than my Person does, too), but I get VERY GRUMPY when my Person leaves me alone with Sophie for a LONG TIME.

Anyway, since I haven't been able to blog FOREVER, I didn't even get to tell you what my new year's rezolooshins are. I did not make too many because I think I am pretty good at being my man cat self, but I did make two. The first one is to blog more. This is not really under my control because my Person controls Mack, the man cat computer, but I am going to try anyway. And my second rezolooshin is to be an even better man cat than I have been.

Which explains this picture:



Normally I do not like to be this close to Sophie, but while my Person was gone we had a LOT of time together, and while she is still VERY ANNOYING most of the time - like I don't want to play all the time, I have THINGS to do, like clean my toes and do my patrols and knock things off the dresser - it is nice of her to give me a bath. And I think a good man cat - one who might be tired from doing all his man cat stuff, for example - would just take the bath and try to enjoy it. So I did!

I hope all of my blogging friends had good new yearses and Krissmisses. I am also going to try to comment on other blogs more TOO. The year of Kismet!

THE VETS

WELL. I went to the VETS yesterday.

I knew I was going soon, because I heard my Person talking about it, but I didn't know exactly when, so I had to be on the lookout. And yesterday when she brought out my HUGE prison box, I knew it was time! She put the prison box on the floor, and I was sitting on the couch, and when she came over to me and picked me up, I decided to get warmed up for the VETS by putting up a fight about getting into the box. My Person tried to slide me into the box while it was sitting on the floor, but I used my very big paws to grab the sides of the box to keep myself out of it. I thought maybe once my Person saw how strong I am and how big my paws are she would realize that I do not need to go to the VETS, EVER, but unfortunately she did not seem to think this way, because she turned the prison box on its booty and dropped me into it that way. I tried to use my very big back feets to stay out of it, but it didn't exactly work.

To be honest, I don't really mind being in the prison box. I like to curl up and be carried around (if I had a harem, I imagine this is what it would be like!). My Person carries the box while we walk to the VETS, and she always puts some of her fingers in the prison bars so that I know that it is really HER carrying me around, and I put my nose through the bars right by her hand and I make sure to mraw mraw whenever we pass other persons so that they know that a very big man cat is passing them by. It was very nice out yesterday, and if I hadn't known where we were going, it would have been a very good walk.

But of course, I DID know that we were going to the VETS, and as soon as we walked inside there, I was on alert. My Person set the prison box down so she could go talk to the lady behind the counter, and I immediately began to mraw mraw very loudly. My Person came and sat back down and told me it was all going to be okay, but I knew she was LYING, because then a cat in the torchur room heard me and started mraw mrawing back. We were mrawing very loudly but then they brought that cat out to his person and he got to leave. I was very jellis, but I also knew that he understood my pain. Anyway, that is when the assistant vet man said we could go back into the torchur room.

My Person carried the prison box into the room and set it on the examinayshun table and opened the door for me. Because it was my Person opening the door, and not the vet lady or her helper, I came out obeedeeintlee, but only because I knew if I didn't, the vet lady would dump me out and that is very undignified. I sat my booty on the table and my Person rubbed my head for me while she told them about my pee problems. But then she had to go sit down, and as soon as the vet assistant man reached for me, I BOLTED!

First I ran to the edge of the table, making sure to hiss and growl and put my ears way back the whole time. The assistant man did eventually grab me and take me over to the scale, but as soon as that was done, I wiggled and wiggled and ESCAPED! I bolted over to where my Person was sitting and got under her chair. The man moved the chair next to her, and I hissed and growled and SCREEMED for all I was worth! My Person got up so he could try to get under her chair, and I bolted for the counter! I sat on the counter by the sink, and whenever he came near me, I yelled at him until finally, HE LEFT THE ROOM!!! VICTORY WAS MINE!!

My Person could sense that I was very upset and she came over to where I was sitting on the counter and began to rub my head. I growled at first and she said "oh, Kismet, it's okay" and picked me up and held me real tight. I let my ears come up and I stopped growling and glared at the vet lady. I couldn't see her, but I am sure that my Person was glaring at her too.

Unfortunately, the assistant man came back in. But he was wearing these:

HUGE fake hands and arms that went all way almost up to his shoulder! My Person said later that those fake hands and arms are used when people hold big huge birds like HAWKS! I MADE HIM SO SCARED THAT HE THOUGHT I WAS A HAWK! And when he came in and saw that my Person was holding me and I was being a very good boy, he said "Oh. Of COURSE." And the vet lady said, "well, you aren't his mom." And I said, THAT'S RIGHT YOU AREN'T!

My Person asked if it would be better if she just held me while they torchured me with pointy sticks. But the vet lady said "we actually need him to lay down, so that probably wouldn't work." So my Person put me very carefully on the torchur table, and the assistant man came over and put a towel over my head (probably because he knew that seeing his face would FILL ME WITH RAGE), and they proceeded to do very awful things. Like the vet lady felt my belly and said "oh, he has some yurin. We can just take it out." AND THEN SHE STUCK SHARP THINGS WHERE THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO GO AND I FELT LIKE I HAD TO PEE ON THINGS, LIKE MAYBE HER TORCHUR TABLE. And then she poked me some more and stuck things up my booty, and the assistant man held my very big back feets while all of this was going on, but FINALLY she said "okay, you can go now" and brought out the prison box. And let me tell you, I JUST RAN into that prison box. I didn't even try to show them how big my paws are and how strong I am. I am kind of feeling sad about that now, but at the time, I just wanted to get OUT OF THERE. However, I do feel proud that I made that assistant man so scared that he went and got the hawk gloves!

Anyway, my Person says they will call sometime today with the results of my pee. Just to make sure she knows that this type of behavior is not ok, I peed on the chair again today. This is making her very worried about hearing from the VETS about my pee. I am glad because maybe it means that she will not take me there anymore. And if I do have to go back, that assistant man better LOOK OUT!

Before all of the VETS, Sadie tagged me for a survey about why I blog! So here are five reasons why I love the innernets:

1) I have met many great cats from blogging, and some GREAT lady cats.

2) Lots of persons read my blog too and REALLY like it. They bother my Person when I don't update. I like this because it means that I am educating all of the persons in the world about very important things, like letting cats who don't know you SNIFF you before you assume it is fine to pet them, and how cats look GREAT in shirts, and stuff like that.

3) Blogging really validaytes a lot of my opinions - like when I blog about the VETS, other cats tell me I am totally right for hating it and that I should try to get ninja stars on my file, or when I say how I like to pee on stuff, other cats TOTALLY understand.

4) Whenever I have a problem, or am confYOOZED about something, I like to blog about it and I get really great advice and suggestions from other cats. Like when the pink litterbox appeared, everyone thought I was getting a sister, and then I did! And when I HATED her at first, everyone told me it would get better - and it did!

5) Because when I need to launch things like a KAMPAYN TO GET MORE FOODS, other cats support me!

I will keep everyone posted on how my pee is. Hopefully we will hear soon and my Person will stop hovering over me and freaking out about everything I do. Like today she gave me some cheese and a little while later I blew chunks, and she FREAKED OUT. I blow chunks all the time, lady! Gosh.

Man Cat Monday

I am quite smily in this picture. I am sitting on the couch (the one I pee on sometimes), and it was very warm and cozy in the 'partment. Part of being a big man cat is knowing how to pose for pictures. Sometimes you have to look feerce, and sometimes it's ok to smile. This is also a good man cat picture because you can see my big whisker humps, the hair inside of my ears (my Person cuts it sometimes because she says it makes me look like an old man, but I think having hair in weird places just makes me more of a MAN CAT!), and you can also see one of my very big feets curled under me on the couch (the one I pee on sometimes). These are all VERY important man cat elemints!

If you are going to participate in Man Cat Monday, leave me a comment so I can come check it out!

Stinky sister

I think that Skeezix has a new challenger for the title of stinkiest cat in the world: my sister Sophie. I am not sure why but Sophie seems to have a problem with passing very stinky gas from her booty very frequently. At first I was very confused because we eat the same foods -- from the exact same BOWL even most of the time -- but then I remembered that Sophie is always very busy eating any persons food she can get her paws on, including tortillas, rice kayks, peetas, and krusts from peetsuh. I know I am spelling some of these things wrong but who cares because they are all GROSS AND NOT THINGS THAT CATS SHOULD BE EATING AND THAT IS PROBABLY WHY SOPHIE'S BOOTY STINKS ALL OF THE TIME. It is very undignified to be stinking of smelly gas all the time. My Person has noticed it too because she sings a song to Sophie about a smelly cat. And I have to share a litter box with this cat. I mean honestly, cats.

Here is a picture of us laying together. This was not during a very stinky moment or you can believe I would not have been sitting that close to her.


As you can see, we are right next to the computer. I am thinking about teaching Sophie to blog, but she is awful bad at typing so I think it would take hours of lessons, and if she is going to be stinking all the time, I'm not sure I can put in that kind of time.