PSSST

Pssssst....innernets!!





REMEMBER ME????

I am going to do a Thursday 13 to explain why I have not been blogging FOREVER.

1. Mac, the mancat compyooter, went dead for awhile. He seems to be ok now. But he was dead!
2. My Person had to go see Mr. Nooz Byurow every day for a long time and she would turn Mac, the mancat compyooter, off when she left. But I think she had a fight with Mr. Nooz Byurow, because she is not going to see him anymore!
3. Mr. Nooz Byurow + Brad Skool = GRUMPY PERSON
4. I have spent LOTS of time trying to figure out ways to get out of the partment to Out There. So far this has not really worked. My ideas have inkloodid: digging through the cat TV, scratching at the door with my big man paws, running out the door whenever it is opened which gets me in Big Trouble, making very sad mraw mraw noises at the door. Since none of these have really WORKED, I am spending lots of time trying NEW things, which are also not working. Getting Out There is very hard.
5. We went to the VETS, and if you have been reading my blog for awhile, you know that this makes me VERY GROUCHY AND I MRAW MRAW AND HISS AND SOMETIMES BAT AT MY PERSON'S FACE AND EYEBALLS, WHICH IS NOT VERY NICE BUT WHAT DID YOU EXPECT TO HAPPEN, PERSON, AND EVEN THOUGH THIS VETS WAS DIFFERENT THAN THE ONE IN BROOKLYN THEY STILL BROUGHT OUT THE HAWK GLOVES FOR ME. THAT'S RIGHT, VETS!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!! Also Sophie gets very scared when we go to the VETS and it makes her go poop in the carrier THAT I HAVE TO SHARE WITH HER. AND IT SMELLS. AND STICKS TO ME. This made me grouchy enough that I did not want to talk to anyone. Not even you, innernets. I am sorry.
6. It is starting to get HOTS. This ALSO makes me grouchy.
7. In Brooklyn, one of my favorite places to sleep was on the people TV on top of the cable box. In Merruhlind, we don't HAVE a big cable box. This ALSO makes me grouchy.
8. We are on some sort of weird foods schedule. This ALSO makes me grouchy.
9. Sophie STILL wants to play ALL THE TIME. THIS ALSO MAKES ME GROUCHY. I AM TRYING TO CLEAN MY TOES SOMETIMES.
10. I think those are maybe all of the things that made me grouchy lately. I have also been busy threatening the many wild cats that come onto our cat TV. There is a orange cat that my Person calls Sammy. He is ALMOST BIGGER THAN ME, and he comes on the cat TV every night, and I sit and mraw mraw at him. There is another orange cat too. This cat never had a ballsectomy, so my Person just calls him ballscat. Ballscat is not bigger than me, but he does have balls. So I mraw mraw EXTRA at him.
11. None of the cats on the cat TV are lady cats. This ALSO makes me grouchy.
12. Sophie has been having hairballs all over the place. My Person gives her hairball stuff to make this better. The hairball stuff smells like toona, so I get excited when it comes out and I try to eat it, but it just sticks to my whiskers and then I have to clean it and that ALSO MAKES ME GROUCHY.
13. What can I say, innernets? I'm a busy dude.

But, now that Brad Skool is almost done (I guess that means he is going to go dead), I will have more time to blog. This makes me NOT grouchy! So if any of my friends from the innernets are still checking up on me, I should be around more often.

Here is a bonus picture of my furchin for my lady friends:



I'm sure Sophie will be around too. (SIGH)

Man Cat Monday

WELL INNERNETS. WE MEET AGAIN.

The innernets and I have not been getting along lately. The innernets, in fact, has not even BEEN IN MY PARTMENT for MANY WEEKS NOW. My Person was only able to find the innernets Out There, and since my Person DOES NOT REALLY LET ME GO OUT THERE, I could not use the innernets. This has made me very grouchy. I would have mraw'd to fix the rowter, but there was not even a rowter to fix until today, and then some other guy came into my partment and fixed it before my Person even gave me a chance. IN FACT, she locked me in the bedroom while he was here! She probably did not want him to be jealous about my innernets-fixing-skills. I guess I can understand that.

Anyway, but I have innernets now, innernets! SO NOW I GET TO FINALLY POST!

So I am posting a Man Cat Monday post. It has been a VERY LONG TIME since I have been able to do this so I hope that I remember how!





This is me weighing in on the scale in the person litterbox room. I do this every single day. I know that this might not SEEM very manly, but it is very important to keep an eye on your fizeek. You do not want to start losing weight, because that will make you smaller and so not so much of a BIG MAN CAT. But you also do not want to get fat! It is a delicate balance, being a man cat. I find that my sea lion yoga really helps me keep my bulk in check!

If your persons have a scale, I recommend weighing in!

Now that I have gotten the innernets into shape, I hope to post more often. Also, my fifth birthday is coming SOON! It is on Wednesday! That will also be two years that I have been with my Person. I hope she is getting me something good. And manly.

My Big Advenchur

Innernets, I have not been able to blog lately, because my Person is so busy using the compyooter to do things for Brad Skool, and then when she was done with Brad Skool for 4 days I thought I would FINALLY get the compyooter back, but then she crashed her moovable masheen and had to use the compyooter to figure out how to get the moovable masheen to be not sick anymore, and she was REAL upset so I had to be on man cat alert, and then I was all set to blog YESTERDAY, when I GOT LOCKED OUT OF THE PARTMENT.

We live close to the ground now - in Brooklyn we lived high up - so now when persons open the door sometimes I run Out There. I do not ever go very far. I just like to eats the grass and explore in the backyard. And my Person sometimes just follows me around to make sure that I do not leave to pick up the laydees or find my chiwahwah gang, and it is fine. But YESTERDAY, my Person was taking the moovable masheen to the doctor, and when the door opened, it was a big smelly man.

Now, since I am a big dude living with all GIRLS, normally I am very excited to have other mans around. Like my friend Ted who took me outside on my leash, or that person who used to live with my Person's boyfrend Joe, who told me many times that he thought I was a bobcat. But THIS guy was not even interested in me at all, and when he opened the door and I ran outside, he just LET ME GO.

At first I thought this was so great. Because I got to get away from Sophie for awhile, and eat lots of grass and explore and make sure that there was nothing vishus Out There waiting to eat my foods or attack my Person. And also to see if there are other foods hiding Out There, or maybe other cats, because there could be. You never know.

But eventually, I started to get kind of HOTS. I don't know if you remember, innernets, but I DO NOT SO MUCH LIKE THE HOTS, and I am a big guy, and I am kind of hairy, and I was outside for MANY HOWRS, and it just got VERY HOTS.

So when my Person came back in a DIFFERENT moovable masheen, she got owt and I ran over and mraw mraw mraw'd. And she said, "what are you doing out here??" And then she got REAL MAD. Not at me, because I am her big guy, but at that big smelly man, who I guess was there to fix some stuff in the partment, which is just dumb, because I AM A BIG MAN AND I CAN FIX THESE THINGS. So she scooped me up and gave me lots of smooches and called me a very good boy for not running away - as if I would leave the place where the FOODS is - and took me back inside. And I found the coolest place in the whole partment to lay down and recover from my big advenchur.

Which is in the front closet.

Anyway, while I was getting cool, my Person got BACK on the compyooter and there was a email from the man who owns the partment. And he said that the reepareman had let me out and tried to find me but he couldn't, and that he hoped I would come back home. And that was it. MY PERSON WAS REAL MAD AT HIM!!!!! But she couldn't say anything to him because he owns the partment.

So, she gave me lots of treats instead.

Then Sophie started to get scared that I was not really ME but just another stray cat who LOOKS like me. And I didn't want my Person to think that too so I made sure to do lots of Kismet moves last night, like throwing lots of things off of the tables and mrawing REAL LOUD to get fed REAL EARLY in the morning. And growling at Sophie. I think Sophie is still scared - she is usually scared of SOMETHING - but I am pretty sure that my Person knows that I am me, because she told me my feets are real big a few times already today.

Anyway, the moral of the story is to not trust the big smelly men in your partments. And be careful of the HOTS! And never forget where your foods lives.

Out There on my leash!

Since it is getting nice outside again, my Person decided to take me out into the great jungle Out There on my leash this week! I was very excited. We live in the air in our building, and whenever my Person opens the door to go to the front door, I always come down the stairs with her because I am a very intrepid explorer. But when it was cold outside she would never let me go outside of the door. BUT THIS WEEK SHE FINALLY DID! I explored many things.
This is me sitting under this very big metal thing. It had gas, as you can see by the gas can in the back, but it was not the same smelly kind of gas that my sister Sophie has. I spent a LOT of time sniffing the big metal thing's blanket, because it smelled a lot like MEATS!!! And I REALLY like meats. I tried to lick the blanket a few times too, but my Person said "Kismet, that is gross" and made me move on to other things. She told me that the big metal thing is used for cooking meats and that is why it smelled like them. My Person does not eat meats, so it is really a miracle that I even remember what they smell like.


Since my Person would not let me lick the metal thing's blanket, I instead decided to eat some grass. I LOVE GRASS! I also looked around for some sellree, but I did not find any. I guess we do not grow our own sellree. But the grass was still VERY delishus.

The jungle is set up for a man cat, I think, because the grass is just tall enough that I can sit my booty on this big chair to eat it. It was a little difficult to get the eating stance right, though. I had to spread my very big back feets out to brace myself, and put most my man cat weight on my very big FRONT feets. It worked PERFECTLY once I figured it out, though! Here is a picture of my very big back feets in the right position. And also of my booty.
Being out in the jungle makes me feel like a WILD CAT! If you a young cat and scare easily you might not want to look at the next two pictures, because I do not want you to be spooked by my WILD CATNESS!
Although, if you have never been to the jungle, you might not even be able to find me in these pictures at all.

There are many things in the jungle that will distract you, and also some that will sneak up on you. That is why you have to be alert at all times. Notice how I am in the middle of my snack, but have made sure to stop eating when I hear DANGER approaching!

Once I decided that there was no immediate danger, I allowed myself to keep eating my snack - but I still kept my eyes out and my ears pricked!

It was a VERY GREAT trip into the jungle, but eventually we had to go back inside because the whole time we were Out There, my sister Sophie sat in the window and cried and cried and cried. She wants to type this part herself.

Hi! I are Sophie! I are yoozing my bruther's blog to tawk about how SCAYREE it was when my bruther was gawn! I sitted in the window and CRYED and CRYED. "WARE IS MY BRUTHER?? WY IS HE GAWN??? CAN YOU HEER ME, NICE LAYDEEE???" I thawted that maybe they had gawn to live outsyd, becuz I yoost to live outsyd, and I do not want to live outsyd AGENN, but if my bruther AND the nice laydee are going to live outsyd, I would rather be outsyd with them then alohn by myself in HEER. But then they kaym back! And I was so acited to see my bruther! And then we gotted FOODS!!!! My bruther wuns to typ now. It is nyc of him to let me yooz his blog becuz I know that he doesn't lyk it when I yooz his blog.

Anyway, my Person says that Sophie can't go outside in the jungle with us because she does not have a leash for her yet, and obveeisslee she cannot use mine because it would be WAY TOO BIG, and she also thinks that Sophie wouldn't even want to go in the jungle unless I was going too. So for now, jungle time is just me and my Person. I am not sure the jungle Out There is a good place for tiny girl cats, anyway.