Sunday, April 01, 2007

THE VETS

WELL. I went to the VETS yesterday.

I knew I was going soon, because I heard my Person talking about it, but I didn't know exactly when, so I had to be on the lookout. And yesterday when she brought out my HUGE prison box, I knew it was time! She put the prison box on the floor, and I was sitting on the couch, and when she came over to me and picked me up, I decided to get warmed up for the VETS by putting up a fight about getting into the box. My Person tried to slide me into the box while it was sitting on the floor, but I used my very big paws to grab the sides of the box to keep myself out of it. I thought maybe once my Person saw how strong I am and how big my paws are she would realize that I do not need to go to the VETS, EVER, but unfortunately she did not seem to think this way, because she turned the prison box on its booty and dropped me into it that way. I tried to use my very big back feets to stay out of it, but it didn't exactly work.

To be honest, I don't really mind being in the prison box. I like to curl up and be carried around (if I had a harem, I imagine this is what it would be like!). My Person carries the box while we walk to the VETS, and she always puts some of her fingers in the prison bars so that I know that it is really HER carrying me around, and I put my nose through the bars right by her hand and I make sure to mraw mraw whenever we pass other persons so that they know that a very big man cat is passing them by. It was very nice out yesterday, and if I hadn't known where we were going, it would have been a very good walk.

But of course, I DID know that we were going to the VETS, and as soon as we walked inside there, I was on alert. My Person set the prison box down so she could go talk to the lady behind the counter, and I immediately began to mraw mraw very loudly. My Person came and sat back down and told me it was all going to be okay, but I knew she was LYING, because then a cat in the torchur room heard me and started mraw mrawing back. We were mrawing very loudly but then they brought that cat out to his person and he got to leave. I was very jellis, but I also knew that he understood my pain. Anyway, that is when the assistant vet man said we could go back into the torchur room.

My Person carried the prison box into the room and set it on the examinayshun table and opened the door for me. Because it was my Person opening the door, and not the vet lady or her helper, I came out obeedeeintlee, but only because I knew if I didn't, the vet lady would dump me out and that is very undignified. I sat my booty on the table and my Person rubbed my head for me while she told them about my pee problems. But then she had to go sit down, and as soon as the vet assistant man reached for me, I BOLTED!

First I ran to the edge of the table, making sure to hiss and growl and put my ears way back the whole time. The assistant man did eventually grab me and take me over to the scale, but as soon as that was done, I wiggled and wiggled and ESCAPED! I bolted over to where my Person was sitting and got under her chair. The man moved the chair next to her, and I hissed and growled and SCREEMED for all I was worth! My Person got up so he could try to get under her chair, and I bolted for the counter! I sat on the counter by the sink, and whenever he came near me, I yelled at him until finally, HE LEFT THE ROOM!!! VICTORY WAS MINE!!

My Person could sense that I was very upset and she came over to where I was sitting on the counter and began to rub my head. I growled at first and she said "oh, Kismet, it's okay" and picked me up and held me real tight. I let my ears come up and I stopped growling and glared at the vet lady. I couldn't see her, but I am sure that my Person was glaring at her too.

Unfortunately, the assistant man came back in. But he was wearing these:

HUGE fake hands and arms that went all way almost up to his shoulder! My Person said later that those fake hands and arms are used when people hold big huge birds like HAWKS! I MADE HIM SO SCARED THAT HE THOUGHT I WAS A HAWK! And when he came in and saw that my Person was holding me and I was being a very good boy, he said "Oh. Of COURSE." And the vet lady said, "well, you aren't his mom." And I said, THAT'S RIGHT YOU AREN'T!

My Person asked if it would be better if she just held me while they torchured me with pointy sticks. But the vet lady said "we actually need him to lay down, so that probably wouldn't work." So my Person put me very carefully on the torchur table, and the assistant man came over and put a towel over my head (probably because he knew that seeing his face would FILL ME WITH RAGE), and they proceeded to do very awful things. Like the vet lady felt my belly and said "oh, he has some yurin. We can just take it out." AND THEN SHE STUCK SHARP THINGS WHERE THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO GO AND I FELT LIKE I HAD TO PEE ON THINGS, LIKE MAYBE HER TORCHUR TABLE. And then she poked me some more and stuck things up my booty, and the assistant man held my very big back feets while all of this was going on, but FINALLY she said "okay, you can go now" and brought out the prison box. And let me tell you, I JUST RAN into that prison box. I didn't even try to show them how big my paws are and how strong I am. I am kind of feeling sad about that now, but at the time, I just wanted to get OUT OF THERE. However, I do feel proud that I made that assistant man so scared that he went and got the hawk gloves!

Anyway, my Person says they will call sometime today with the results of my pee. Just to make sure she knows that this type of behavior is not ok, I peed on the chair again today. This is making her very worried about hearing from the VETS about my pee. I am glad because maybe it means that she will not take me there anymore. And if I do have to go back, that assistant man better LOOK OUT!

Before all of the VETS, Sadie tagged me for a survey about why I blog! So here are five reasons why I love the innernets:


1) I have met many great cats from blogging, and some GREAT lady cats.

2) Lots of persons read my blog too and REALLY like it. They bother my Person when I don't update. I like this because it means that I am educating all of the persons in the world about very important things, like letting cats who don't know you SNIFF you before you assume it is fine to pet them, and how cats look GREAT in shirts, and stuff like that.

3) Blogging really validaytes a lot of my opinions - like when I blog about the VETS, other cats tell me I am totally right for hating it and that I should try to get ninja stars on my file, or when I say how I like to pee on stuff, other cats TOTALLY understand.

4) Whenever I have a problem, or am confYOOZED about something, I like to blog about it and I get really great advice and suggestions from other cats. Like when the pink litterbox appeared, everyone thought I was getting a sister, and then I did! And when I HATED her at first, everyone told me it would get better - and it did!

5) Because when I need to launch things like a KAMPAYN TO GET MORE FOODS, other cats support me!

I will keep everyone posted on how my pee is. Hopefully we will hear soon and my Person will stop hovering over me and freaking out about everything I do. Like today she gave me some cheese and a little while later I blew chunks, and she FREAKED OUT. I blow chunks all the time, lady! Gosh.

14 comments:

Daisy said...

Wow, Kismet! I was on the edge of my seat reading that whole story. I have very little paws, and I have to go see the V-E-T, so I was surprised that a cat with such big paws would have to go too. I am very impressed that they had to use the hawk gloves on you. I had to have pee taken out of me with a needle STRAIGHT THROUGH MY BELLY before too; it hurts bad. I hope your pee is good. I will check back later to see.

The Meezers said...

wow! the vet assistant man thought you was a HAWK? That is just AWSOME!!! You is the biggest mancat efurr! (efenn if my mommy says that you is just plain cute!). we hope your pee is good. we will be back later to check.

Karen Jo said...

You told a totally absorbing story about going to the vet. You really scared that assistant. I'm sorry had they did such painful and embarrassing things to you, but that's what vets do. I hope your pee checks out OK. You have very good reasons for blogging. I also learn lots by reading blogs.

Caesar + Prinnie said...

kitties (and humans) have to go through some pretty icky stuff when they go to the v-e-t. I purrrsonally, can not recall a time ever that I went there and had a good time, not even a moderately swell time. It is always horrible.
The vet poople always act happy and gleeful before they do horrible things too... I know they enjoy torchering mancats!
I hope you are feeling good and that you get better. I like peeing on the carpet behind the couch. mom goes crazy... I like blowing chunks too.

headbutts Kismet!
~Caesar

Rosie(who else?) said...

....Kismet....I am so impressed with your efforts at the vet.....I hope the test is ok.....

Rosie & Cheeto said...

Furst of all...we are impressed at yer lady finalie getting yoo into the prissun box.

Secondlie, yoo are furochous so it's no surprise that purson had to ut on a HAWK Gluve and covur yer head!

We bet he now has pee problums after encounturing yoo and yer ferochousness!!!

Jake and Bathsheba said...

Kismet, you are such a big man cat! Ah, the hawk gloves! Is that what they're called? Before the vet and assistants even see me,they come in wearing them. Mom tries to tell them they don't need them, but I am so furious when I'm at the vet that my growling really scares them. They can't even listen to my heart because I growl so loudly when they try to poke me.

I've had pee problems, but I'm a girl and they've thought that I just had some crystals, like grains of sand, that make peeing painful. I sure hope you're okay.

Purrs (and not growls),
~Bathsheba

DaisyMae Maus said...

Kismet ... That's TERRIBLE! What a horrible ordeal you had at the V-E-T! I hope that you're gonna be okay and that your pee problem will go away.

It's a good thing that you're such a ManCat, 'cuz I don't think that I could have kept it together ...

DMM

Boy said...

Oh Kismet!
You're weawwy cool to make them think you're a hawk!
Gweat!

BK said...

Wow, what an ordeal! Way to go with making them think you were a vishus hawk! You are such a Big Man Cat!!

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Your story about your V.E.T. visit is the most exciting thing I've read recently. I'm impressed that you scared the man and he had to get hawk gloves! Way to go, Kis! But, seriously, dude, we hope your test results are OK.

George

One-Eyed Jack said...

You are the MAN-cat, dude! Hawk-gloves?!? MeOWWW!

I hate all that stuff they do when I have pee problems too. It sucks.

Jake and Bathsheba said...

Any news?

~J&B

faycat said...

Hawk gloves! That's brilliant. The last time I had to bring my Opaw to the vet, it took twenty minutes and a broken bed leg to get her into the carrier. Once at the vets, her climb onto my shoulders left gouges so deep, the vet made me wash them with iodine in the examining room. The vet had to treat me, and the kitty. How dignified.