Sunday, November 12, 2006

To the vets!

I never blogged about this, because the whole situation made me kind of MAD, but the other week I had to go to the VETS! I have not been to the vets since I have been with my Person, but I spent lots of time there before I came to live with her. When I was living in a cage at the pet store, the volunteer people took me there to have my ballectomy, and to get poked with sharp things WHICH I DO NOT LIKE BY THE WAY, and then I had to go there a bunch more times when I started having problems with my yurinerry trakt and my peeing. (That was all probably because they took away my balls. You can't mess too much with that area because then the pee gets mad and won't come out.)

Anyway, my Person says I HAVE to go to the vet once EVERY SINGLE YEAR even though I am peeing just fine now, and not even on the couch anymore, but then she said that maybe peeing on the bed is not a good way to show that I am fine with the peeing, and anyway so we went to the vets. I wore my gray sweatshirt and I got carried down the street in the plastic box that I was in when I first came to my Person's. It's a real big box, because I don't fit in the smaller ones. I made sure to mraw mraw a lot while we were walking there so that the persons we passed by would know I was in there in case they couldn't see me, and I also mraw'd while we were sitting in the waiting room, and my Person would stick her fingers through the box door and say "it's ok Kismet!" But I tend to not believe her when I am in the plastic box in strange places, AND THAT TURNED OUT TO BE RIGHT BECAUSE THINGS WERE ABOUT TO BE VERY VERY NOT OK.

When they took us into the examinayshun room, the vet lady dumped me out of the plastic box because I was not coming out by myself no way no how lady! To her credit, the vet lady did compliment my sweatshirt when I got dumped out of the box, but that didn't mean I was gonna be nice to her. There is a certain way that I like to be introduced to new persons - I like them to bend down, and give me their hand so I can give it a real good sniff, and then if they have a coat or a vest I like them to put that on the chair so I can dig inside it, and then I like to walk on their laps for awhile and continue to sniff. The vet lady did none of this. She just dumped me out of that box WITHOUT EVEN A SNIFF AT ALL and then my booty was on a very cold metal table. So I sat there and hissed real loud for a long time, and the vet lady kept saying "you have such great teeth pumpkin!" And she tried to touch me and I kept dodging her, and then she tried to hold me down to poke me with things, but I was HAVING NONE OF THAT, and I growled and hissed and she had to call in reinforcements because I'm so big and skwirmy. A real big dude came in and he HELD ME TO THE TABLE AND LET ME TELL YOU I JUST SCREAMED FOR ALL I WAS WORTH. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my Person covering her ears and her eyes. THAT IS HOW LOUD I WAS SCREAMING. I EVEN HURT HER EYES. And they poked me a lot with sharp things which as I mentioned I DONT LIKE VERY MUCH. And then FINALLY they brought the plastic box back and I went back inside it and hissed some more. And then my Person said, "do you have any treats for him?" because she knows I like the foods. And then they gave me some treats, but I did NOT EAT THOSE BECAUSE THEY COULD HAVE BEEN POISONED.

And then I got carried back down the street in the plastic box, and my Person let me out when we got back in the apartment, and I hid in the closet for awhile.

Then my Person cleaned my cat box and as soon as she did that I had to pee, you know, because as soon as the cat box is clean you always have to pee or poop right away, and when I was done peeing she took some of my pee in a plastic tube and took it away. And then a few days later she told me that my pee aytch is normal. I didn't know that my pee had an aytch, but I guess it's good that it's normal. And I don't know how long a year is, but it better be a long time, because I do not want to go back to the vet lady anytime soon.

20 comments:

iamfelix said...

Kismet, you crack me up.

Latte said...

Oooo....did they take some of your blood too? How about an x-ray? I hate the vets, I practially lived there last spring. Good for you to tell them you're a Big Man Cat and shouldn't suffer those indignities. I hope you properly snubbed your person for a few hours.

Kismet said...

Latte - no blood or X-rays. If they would have taken my blood, I would have taken THEIR BLOOD TOO. The vet lady was going to try to get my pee herself but she decided it would be dangerous. HAHA! YES IT WOULD, VEY LADY!

I couldn't snub my Person for too long, bc she cleaned the litterbox and then she gave me the foods. And I can't resist the foods, espeshully when I know they are not going to be poisoned.

Anonymous said...

Kismet, I feel that we are kinderd spirits, whut with the pee problims and all. FWIW, I've fownd it's much more effektiv not to put up much of a fuss at ferst, and then, win the vet's deefenses are down, yoo eether bite 'em or claw 'em and make bukkits of blud leek owt of thare hareless wite bodies.

Anonymous said...

Ooh, Kismet! THat sounds sooo skeery I wouldn't like it! I haven't been to the VET in a long times, not since MY ballectomy. I have no wish to go back there, if you know what I mean.

Anonymous said...

Oh shame, poor Kismet. It sounds like you put up a good fight. Mrs. B is also a fighter and biter at the vet. When she had a blocked anal gland they had to put her to sleep for a while to treat it 'cause they said she was hurting them too much. Ha, ha, serves them right.

Jake and Bathsheba said...

Oh, Kismet, I knew there were many reasons I liked you. We both have the same reaction at the vets. My medical chart has three big stars on it. That's supposed to warn them that I'm a ferocious biter fighter. Sometimes they even greet me in gauntlets because of my reputation.

Anyway, I'm glad you let your vet lady know who's boss.

Love,
~Bathsheba

Anonymous said...

Bathsheba -- How do yoo find owt if yoo've got the gold fighter stars on yer file? I wunt sum! Wunce I skratcht the vet gerl so bad, her blud leeked all over my prizzin box and they had to giv me a noo wun!

I fergot to menshun, it's a good idea to purr win yer werking at gitting thare defenses down, just before yoo tern into a slashing, biting monster!!

Skeeeeezix the Cat said...

I don't know why all yoo guys hate the vet so much. I git to ware a kyoot owtfit, and I like going to vizit my frends thare, like Jeen and Kathey and Mark and Shon. It gits me owt of the howse, and I git to ride in the bloo masheen. The torchur part isn't so grate, but it's over qwik.

I wood be mortyfide if they put stars on my chart becuz I was meen to them!

Anonymous said...

Skeez, yer a freek.

Give 'em hell, Kismet! Make them roo the day yoo sat yer booty down on thare cold metul tabul!

Grr, Midnight & Cocoa said...

that's one horrybull day fur you rite thare - we shure hope a year is like a squillion days frum now! but, we're wonnering why they thot yur name wuz Pumpkin. you izzn't effun orinch.

one time our teenagers' daddy's kitty named Max slashed the groomer across her cheek wif his claws an made all her blud leak out lots. but she wuz holdin' him upside down an talkin' baby talk to him an he wuz growlin' lots ta warn her an she just kept doin' it, so...

Hot(M)BC said...

Poor Kismet! V-E-Ts aren't no fun when you gets stabbed and stuff.

Kaze said...

Don't worry Skeezix! I like the vet's too! They are nice there and I purr really loudly so they know I'm a friendly kitty. I know they just want to help me.

Jake and Bathsheba said...

Rocky, a few years ago my Mom saw the vet looking at my chart and she noticed these big red stars (asterisks) at the top. She asked the vet what that indicated. He hemmed and hawwed a bit then admitted that it's a warning to the staff that this is a kitty that is NOT to be messed with. One star indicates a lot of growling and such, with three stars being the highest level and indicating that someone's been bitten and blood has been drawn!

Skeezix and Kaze, I still respect you even if you like going to the vet. It's just not for me.

~Bathsheba

Anonymous said...

How HORRIBLE! I don't like going to the VET either ... When Mom goes to the VET with someone, they usually don't come back, so I'm in no hurry to take a trip in the plastic box to the VET.

I'm so glad that you lived through that ordeal. You are furry, furry brave.

DaisyMae Maus

Kismet said...

Rocky and Bathsheba - we should start a gang of vet ninja cats! I totally want those stars on my file too!

Skeez - maybe if I went to YOUR vet, it would be different!

Anonymous said...

I don't like the vets either. Very smart to refuse the treats. You are a tiger like me!

Eric and Flynn said...

I don't like the V E T either an I do the biggest hisses I can manij at him, an make my breff go stinky so maybe he won't come to close. Eric just lies theer an lets him do what he wants.

Anonymous said...

Well, I always *liked going to the vet, because it meant I got out of the house and stuff ... but this last time has made me rethink the whole issue. Maybe it's not *that important to go outside!

Rosie & Cheeto said...

Were missing yoo Kismet! Hope yer lady gets back soon and yer camera gets fixed.

WE MISS THE KISMEISTER!!